Inspire

Finding space to love.

2011-08-18T17:15:00.002+08:00

Love needs that effort to do so.
Making a decision helps.
Emotions gives motivation to make that effort.
Lacking any one produces half-heart love.
Its result is no love at all.

lingering thoughts

2011-07-03T14:29:00.002+08:00

Recently, I've been fed the idea to pick off on where I left off with her. I prayed for open doors; kept thinking that the good ones are taken; and i fail to realize that the door has been open wide. Standing in my way is this principle, "好马不吃回头草“. I feel I should just do it, rekindle a spark that died 5 years ago.

A random thought

2011-06-26T01:18:00.002+08:00

He wonders, can He be with someone who is mia-ing most of the time. Irks him sometimes but he somehow got used to it.

Intercession

2011-06-08T22:15:00.001+08:00

I will intercede for you. I pray that you will prosper in your career and your relationship.

Its not you

2011-06-03T22:07:00.001+08:00

"Its not you" I repeated to myself. It wasn't anything wrong with yourself. Its just not meant to be. Its that simple. Like I mentioned before it was just another test.

Its just another test.

2011-05-29T16:34:00.003+08:00

Its just another test. He says.
When I was getting depressed over you, I felt God say, "hey, its another test, I allowed you to develop strong feelings for her, just so that you will learn not get so easily emotional, to have greater tenacity, and to have greater trust in Me"
Encouraging Words!!

Another pit.

2011-05-20T20:12:00.002+08:00

I feel sucky the whole day.
No matter what I do, it still feels the same. sigh...

Come on skinny love just last the year
Pour a little salt we were never here
My my my - my my my - my my my my - my my ...
Staring at the sink of blood and crushed veneer

I tell my love to wreck it all
Cut out all the ropes and let me fall
My my my - my my my - my my my my - my my ...
Right in the moment this order's tall

I told you to be patient I told you to be fine
I told you to be balanced I told you to be kind
In the morning I'll be with you
But it will be a different kind
I'll be holding all the tickets
And you'll be owning all the fines

Come on skinny love what happened here
Suckle on the hope in lite brassiere
My my my - my my my - my my my - my my ...
Sullen load is full so slow on the split

I told you to be patient I told you to be fine
I told you to be balanced I told you to be kind
Now all your love is wasted then who the hell was I?
Cause now I'm breaking at the britches
And at the end of all your lines

Who will love you? who will fight?
And who will fall, far behind?

Come on skinny love ........
My my my - my my my - my my my - my my ... (x2)

I wonder.

2011-05-17T22:44:00.002+08:00

I wonder. Am I taking things too fast? Within a week, I surprised her with two little gift. I haven't been messaging her lately due to exams. Will absence make the heart fonder? I do hope things will work out. I trust you Lord!

Skinny Love

2011-05-10T00:20:00.003+08:00

Totally in love with this song.

counting down.

2011-05-02T15:06:00.002+08:00

May has finally arrived. I look forward to seeing you, and at the same time you are doubling up on your revision pace, which means I get to msg you lesser. Well... wish you the best!!

I Miss You.

2011-04-23T01:29:00.002+08:00

Absence makes the heart fonder. I wish it is end May now, I wish i could see you now. I wish I could hold your hands. I wish I can tell you how much I love you.
But God said, enjoy the entire process, admire the little things during the process, they will be the different milestone that strengthens the relationship. For that I will be led by the Holy Spirit.

Growing

2011-04-19T08:24:00.002+08:00

Each day my love for you grows.
Each day I choose to love you more.
Let my love be reciprocated.
Count down to the day I see you again.
I miss you.

A miracle?

2011-04-13T00:32:00.002+08:00

A miracle happened.. and i was given a hard push on from the back. There is no turning back now.. Lord I pray it will end well..

The Quest for the gem.

2011-04-01T00:39:00.002+08:00

Life is about finding that one gem, uncovering the dirt around the gem and polishing the gem to let the gem shine. I found a few but they do not belong to me. The quest goes on... and I'm sure I will succeed. ~ that which is the hardest to find shall be the most precious of all.

It creeps...

2011-03-28T23:50:00.002+08:00

Love creeps silently sometimes. Unknowingly, it surprises you. Even when you run from it, and when you thought you have evaded far from it, its creeps back eventually. Defenses cannot hold back true love. Denial can't keep you away forever neither can distraction help you ignore it forever. Eventually the decision to let loose is imminent.

the mind

2011-03-21T23:40:00.002+08:00

Call it self-deception, call it mind over emotions. I convinced myself to think otherwise about what the emotions have been pushing me to do.
Ultimately it is a decision to give all the love, rather than expecting all the love. You love because I first love you, or the other way round, whichever the sequence, it is a decision. The feeling is not right yet.

I'm running away.

2011-03-16T22:36:00.002+08:00

I'm running away. I'm refusing to accept. I'm thinking, "it can't be you". I'm not yet reach that point. So I'm still running. Developing further. But its about time, about time to slow down and pace each other.

Random 1

2011-03-12T00:24:00.002+08:00

What am I looking for? I starting to feel unsure. Maybe I know what I'm looking for, something that cannot really be described in words anymore. I can never be totally sure as well, but somehow I should know.
Feeling the symptoms of falling sick...
Going to sleep now.

Happy

2011-03-11T00:04:00.001+08:00

A brownie from P.Osh from that "guess who".

Thank you! =))

Approaching 3 Months...

2011-03-10T00:54:00.002+08:00

Looking forward to payday in 5 days time. I feel blessed to be attached to this current mother branch. Though I've heard bad rumors, but the experience of my other course mates seemed to be worse. Thoughts about career progression has been in my mind, but somehow I'm sure this is the correct path that I'm progressing in.
Lately I feel that I'm becoming more prejudice against certain individuals. Somehow just disgusted by their mentality.
I also wonder... what qualities am I looking for. Trust the heart? Stick to your rules?
Well, its obvious, have the core qualities and trust the heart to lead you.
I guess the core quality should include the core beliefs and values.
My core belief is that I can always trust that God has a prefect plan for me, Jesus has given me the power to overcome all odds and the Holy Spirit is here to guide. Even when things are not working out according to what I expect, somehow I can believe that things will work out for my good. Irregardless of finances, career, relationships. I trust my heart to bring me to that person who empower me to pour out all my emotional capacity to.
I'm still believing and I am going to sleep now.

Jerlyn

2011-03-09T20:11:00.003+08:00

Jeryln can be quite bossy. Told me that I cannot eat peanuts, chili, cannot have itchy hands, and must resurrect this blog. But its for my own good. hahhaha
She is the only person whom I know who can write upside down.

I'm going to be late for soccer.

Its 7.30am.

2011-01-10T07:35:00.003+08:00

Its 7.30am and its been about 1 month since i started work. Though I like this job, but I still like my bed a lot. Anyway I've meet some nice people at work and training.
I had a revelation recently about relationships.
You must become what you expect before you can receive what you expect. In Gen 2:8, God said to Himself, its not good that man is alone, I shall make him a helper comparable to Him. I concluded that I haven't found that girl because my expectations is high but I have not met my own expectations. Thus I can either lower my expectations or I bring myself up to my expectations.
Anyway this probably applies to other aspects of Life too.

Its time to go for work. =))

The fourth meeting

2010-12-27T00:10:00.002+08:00

I thought the third meeting was the last.
Apparently it wasn't.
And this time I took a step out.
It appeared in a scenario I had imagined.
I created the impression. But I hoped it was a positive and deep one.
But now I am unsure...
I seem to have lost the confidence to pursue.
God give me courage and strength.

That impression

2010-12-03T00:59:00.003+08:00

We were walking in opposite directions...
Separated by the displays in the middle...
But our eyes met...
Although no words were exchanged...
But the expression in those eyes left an impression...
That was the first coincidence...

The second coincidence was at a familiar place...
We stood about 10 steps apart...
Again our eyes met...
But I looked away in excitement...
No words were spoken again...
I wished that one word would come out of my mouth...
I looked on...

The third coincidence was at a place that is even closer to our hearts...
We stood less than 5 steps away this time...
This time our eyes did not meet...
But I took occasional peeps at you...
Again I did not muster the courage to say the 2 letter... Hi...

Will there be a fourth coincidence??
I continue to put hope in God...

Its been three months

2010-12-03T00:38:00.002+08:00

Its been three long months and this blog has been collecting "cyber-dust". The next post will be filled with photos. Today has been a wonderful day; the past one month has been just awesome. I want to really give Thanks to God!!
Firstly I ended my exams on the 6th of November.

Celebrated my birthday on the 11th (Although not many celebrations but I thank all those who gave me the surprises. Especially my members.) Then shortly after I was offered a temporary job which ends before I fly off to Europe.

On the 18th I was referred by my friend; my wonderful friend, Guo Jian for a position at UOB. I went down for the interview on that day itself. Went through a tough interviewer, but thank God that I found favor.

Received a call from UOB HQ!!! Invited to go down for a 2nd interview on monday!!
Exactly a week later... I was told that I am offered the position, offered a pay scale that is within the range that I was hoping for.

Signed the appointment letter today...

I am truly grateful for the favor of God over my life. I was initially inspired by how Shing Tan managed to secure a job so quickly as well as Ian's message about hope in God doesn't disappoint. Because of all these factors, I managed to secure a job within 2 months, and before 2010 ends.

2010 is ending with very fulfilling feeling; desires and goals being achieved. But there is just one more desire. I've created a new record for myself - I went through about 8 months without getting infatuated by a girl. But lately close friend have been sharing with me about their proposal plans, wedding plans, getting attached. Somehow the suppressed feelings are becoming eager to erupt.
I missed several opportunities already but I'm still going to continue to put my hope in Jesus. That one more opportunity is going to appear again. I remain hopeful, not in myself but in a God that never disappoints in His own timing.

2010-10-19T22:55:00.001+08:00

When you lose the meaning behind the things that you do, its either time to move on or rediscover the meaning...

2010-10-07T13:04:00.002+08:00

I used to be like that and I wonder why did I. Social network systems or simply your portal to the rest of the world. After suffering the consequence, I learnt... If you want the whole world to know... just post it on any social network system. Otherwise keep private. But I wonder myself, why did I publicly post my impulsive thoughts. I guess it is an unconscious reaction of most people to seek the attention of others. When we are brought up in an environment of frequent attention, we tend to depend on the acknowledgment of others to lift us up. Eventual effect leads to a habit that may eventually result in an addiction. Addiction for attention. Well this is the result of a fallen nature of man.

Adam was created to self-motivate and self-encourage. That was before he met eve and before falling. But walking with God is supposed to bring us back to what was that in the beginning. Hmmm... does it apply to women too?

Proverb 14:33
Wisdom rests in the heart of him who has understanding,
But what is in the heart of fools is made known.

Sometimes, there is no need for expression in words... Self-reflection is a platform to grow in wisdom.

Is it you?

2010-08-09T23:18:00.002+08:00

Is it you??
Perceptions... perceptions...
Lately I have been pondering on the thought that your emotions fuel up your subconscious mind.
Pressing deeper, I feel it is true.
How one feels does affect how we perceive.
This is why we need our conscious mind to take control.
From young, there has always been the saying to take rule over your emotions.
What it means is to take control with your mind; withhold how you feel.
Well, like many, I sometimes find it hard too.
How can one take total control of one's emotions. Isn't it being like a robot, telling your emotions how you feel.
It is not until recently that I believe that ruling over your emotions isn't withholding how one feel. But feeding ideas to influence how you feel, which will influence your subconscious mind and in turn influence decisions and actions.

Last Saturday, as I was listening to Pastor Mark Conner sharing about finding hope. I began to associate our beliefs, character, and personality to the subconscious mind. Isn't it true that we react naturally according to our beliefs and personality? And isn't our reactions determined by how our subconscious mind tells us to react? If this is true, then isn't our beliefs part of our subconscious mind?
If it is true, then it is possible to induce positive thoughts to influence our emotions.

2010-07-26T23:25:00.001+08:00

I bought a new book today - "Act like a girl, Think like a man" and I shall finish it by Thu!

2010-07-23T17:59:00.001+08:00

Time factor, feeling factor, and qualities factor.

God is a never compromising God.

2010-07-01T01:54:00.001+08:00

God is a never compromising God, therefore neither should you. Don't compromise on your core principles.

Human Psychology 1

2010-06-24T01:37:00.002+08:00

It caught up with me again.
Shaking them off again and escaping.
Lately, I've been thinking about the human psychology; how our thinking can change how our emotions behave.

Lesson 1: Tell yourself that whatever decision that you first make is going to be wrong.

Why I say so? I'm not encouraging negativity here but, emphasizing on minimizing the damaged that the first decision may cause. When you are convinced that the first decision that you are going to make is going to go wrong, you will be more "ready" to stop following in the direction of the first decision and somehow, the correct path falls into place; quickly get into the right direction.

With this I took control of my emotions today.

2010-06-17T01:43:00.002+08:00

I laugh thinking about it. Silly things that people do.
We live life with a set of perception that we used to place a judgment on people we meet. 一个人是否幼稚，是否漂亮，都是跟着这一套判定来判断的。
乱了。乱了！

Maturity

2010-06-10T01:54:00.003+08:00

Definition

The Oxford Dictionary defines the word "maturity" as "deliberateness of action, mature consideration, due deliberation, fullness or perfection of natural development, ripeness, due promptness, the state of being complete, perfect, ready," and so on. This is the literary definition.
Physical Growth vs Mental Growth

However, in a general sense, maturity means complete physical and mental growth, or the state of adulthood. We all know or at least can make an intelligent guess of what complete physical growth means. It is easy to understand because physical growth is visible, measurable and does not continue beyond a particular age except in certain other ways. Almost every normal individual attains physical maturity in expected time. Only and rarely a few unfortunate individuals fail to grow normally because of some exceptional conditions or circumstances.

In case of mental maturity the trend is not the same. An individual can grow mentally for long. It is difficult to say when an individual actually stops growing mentally and whether he stops growing mentally at all till the end. Secondly, mental growth varies from individual to individual. Some people develop greater mental maturity and rationality much earlier in their lives compared to others. Thirdly, the same individual may exhibit varying degrees of maturity on different occasions, prompted by many facilitating and inhibiting factors, which are far too complex to be ascertained or explained with certainty.

However guarded an individual is and however mature he is mentally, at times he is bound to yield under pressure and show signs of immaturity. A vast majority of us are prone to this weakness. From time to time we take wrong decisions or display inappropriate behavior. This is very much human and there is nothing abnormal about it. In a way it is also helpful, especially when we let out our emotions, because it provides an outlet to our pent up emotions and helps us keep our inner balance.

Each of us have a child inside us. This child part in each of us is a product of our early experiences as growing infants. It is not unwanted. It in fact needs as much care as you needed it years ago as a child. What is undesirable, however, is to refuse to grow mentally along with age and acknowledge the reality of the present moment.

Quantifying the mental growth is therefore a real problem. It is difficult to say when and at what stage a person attains complete mental growth. By subjecting an individual to certain tests and testing situations, we may arrive at certain conclusions, but we cannot be sure how accurate such conclusions are.
What is maturity?

Maturity need not necessarily come with age, but with awareness and understanding, borne out of individual perception and cognitive experience. In an individual, it develops to the extent he organizes his consciousness on the basis of his empirical experience and verification of facts and to the extent he is free from his irrational thoughts, beliefs, prejudices, notions and emotions.

To be mature does not necessarily mean just a fully grown up individual. It is a combination of many things that includes age, awareness, intelligence, decision making ability and more. To be mature means:

1. to be realistic, to be in touch with reality and to be guided by facts,
2. to be responsible to self and others and to accept responsibility for self preservation,
3. to be willing to examine ones beliefs, fallacies, prejudices and assumptive behavior in an objective way and let them go,
4. to be guided by reason rather than emotions, to be able to distinguish the two and also at the same time accommodate them appropriately and intelligently in one's life and priorities,
5. to be assertive without being aggressive, to be friendly without the need to get attention, to disagree without the need to compete and to seek without the fear of failure or rejection,
6. to be flexible and open-minded rather than rigid and judgmental, to be amenable to new situations and receptive to new knowledge, to be willing to learn new skills and new responses,
7. to be inquisitive and exploratory, seeking answers to questions one does not know, gathering information before arriving at conclusions, stretching the mind to explore hidden possibilities and hidden potentialities,
8. to act spontaneously to an occasion or situation, free from preconceived notions, the compulsion to be perfect or correct, habitual or mechanical reactions
9. to be in touch with the present and enjoy the passing moment
10. To know what is possible and achievable and to acknowledge that which is not.

Who is a mature person?

Here is a brief description of what a mature person is. A mature person:

1. is concerned with facts,
2. goes by his experience rather than beliefs,
3. relies upon his reason rather than his emotions,
4. relies mostly upon his thinking,
5. uses his resources wisely according to the realistic needs and demands of the situation
6. weighs a situation carefully before drawing conclusions
7. Lives in the present
8. is open-minded, willing to learn and explore other possibilities, view points and alternatives
9. knows his limitations
10. is flexible
11. is spontaneous
12. has a healthy self image and sense of self
13. takes practical decisions based upon his perception of the situation
14. knows how to deal with his anxiety, fear and worries.

Maturity is accepting what is, willing to change what can be and knowing what cannot be. Maturity is to enter into a covenant with yourself, agreeing to be guided by reason, to be aware of your emotions, to strive for that freedom that is not of the prisoners of their own worlds.

2010-06-10T01:09:00.002+08:00

Was I happier last time? It came to my realization that I've lost it. Lost that joy. Why did I lose it? Focused too much on thoughts, over-analyzed those thoughts? Feel too much?

Simplicity.

I want to be happy! Full of Joy!! Hang out with happy people! God is the best listener of problems!

Woohooo

2010-06-09T02:59:00.001+08:00

I like it now, saying I miss you, without someone feeling jealous.
Spending time with anyone without someone feeling jealous.

2010-06-09T02:57:00.002+08:00

I have a very hyper active heart.
I think its back, but seems like it wants to run away again.
This time, my heart will be safely secured until the right moment.

2010-06-02T23:21:00.002+08:00

Its about time i blogged about AC. 3 days have passed since AC ended. The session stood out from the rest was one that I felt a vision birth forth. The 9th Session, the one where Pastor Kong Hee shared about the potential of youths. Before the service, I watched as various cgl went up to stage to share about how through the caring system, they grew their groups. I was thinking how wish I was the one standing up there. And I never expected that that was the preparation for the birth of a new vision. During worship, two words came to my mind, the first "FOCUS" and the second "PRAYER", then NYP came to my member, i thought about my only member who is still at NYP. I began to remember what I've seen and heard earlier. After the service, I told that member, let's start to focus and pray over the list friends that she want to reach out to and we are going to pray over these names and believe that revival is going to take place through her.

Backtracking to Session 3, Pastor Kong Hee again. Although Pastor shared a message that we've heard before, but I suddenly recalled my purpose. That reason why I never give up being in CG ministry. It was because I see youths not living a life that is empowered, not having a vision in their life and wanting to be both in ministry and excelling in the marketplace. I need to be the one that dictates the culture of the group.

A group that is like a family, strong in prayer, strong in loving each other, empowered to achieve anything they set their heart out to do.

"Self determination is the thing that brings back the original self-concept - Dr Bernard"

2010-06-02T23:14:00.000+08:00

Its about time I woke up from my childishness and step into maturity. Thoughts will determine how one behaves. Childish thoughts thus result in childish behaviors. I need to change that.

2010-06-02T13:08:00.000+08:00

Curiosity has spurred me to explore the term childishness. Stay tune.

Art of Self-encouragement

2010-05-28T12:21:00.002+08:00

You need to know how to self-encourage! Steve Munsey shouted.
That statement caught my attention! Wow...
Self-encouragement is probably more than just having a positive mindset, but saying it to yourself as well, convict yourself to think about the best out of every negative situations.

Plenty of thoughts

2010-05-26T01:34:00.002+08:00

Cast out childish thoughts!
What are childish thoughts?
Everyone would like to indolent in childish thoughts!
Too much seems to be extremely bad.
To whom do you entertain childish thoughts to?
Selective people? People close to you?

2010-05-23T12:33:00.000+08:00

Am I ready? If you ask me, I say I am. The "going to prove it" attitude is fighting to emerge. I dislike being looked down upon! Seriously I really dislike it. The test in 3 weeks time.
Whatever is placed in my care isn't mine, so I should let go if God takes it back. Question is, is it God?

2010-05-19T13:33:00.002+08:00

I kinda miss someone now... the fun times in SOT, but don't know what happened, we suddenly drifted apart.
She is really fun to be with, her loud laughter, loud voice, everything about her is loud. Tried to talk to her again but there is like a barrier.
I appreciate you, Jiayi!

2010-05-18T14:04:00.002+08:00

I'm trying to say that I'm not depressed but I'm feeling it. Why am I entertaining such thoughts. Yesterday for a first time in a long long time, i actually thought, life seemed meaningless. Is there anyone interceding for me? Anyone supporting me? I'm tired, emotionally, physiologically and spiritually. I feel lost. Feel like I'm spinning and spinning.. My head's dizzy.. I pray that someone will stretch out their hand and grab me. I know it can only be God..
Why are people upset with me? Why?? What have I done wrong?? I can't get myself to not care!!! !@$#^%

It saddens me

2010-05-09T02:09:00.001+08:00

It saddens me that you thought of me this way.
I left my heart open for you to tell me anything, but instead you silenced it.
In a split second, out of no where, it came, and wounded me.

2010-05-07T03:00:00.002+08:00

Just need to get it off my heart.
"I never once felt bitter because you rejected me, Never.
To me, there is no second chance, but I will care for you. The remnants of the feeling still resides in my heart though, that's why I will still care for you."
But don't mistaken, there is most likely no second chance.right now, there are remnants of feeling for two person still in my heart. But I am clear headed.

A random thought: "If someone does not appreciate you, others will!"

2 more to go.

2010-05-03T23:46:00.000+08:00

Wee!! Quick update! 2 more papers to go! last one's on the 6th of may! After that, its study again! this time apply what I learn in Uni into practical use! Trading!!
One day... that day is coming! Financially self-sustaining! =)

Define Depth

2010-04-25T00:16:00.002+08:00

How do you define depth? Is being knowledgeable means having depth? or being aware of what is going on around you means having depth?
I think everyone has a certain deepness of depth. Spiritual depth, intellectual depth, knowledge on various skills. Guess the question is how deep?

Another thought is, being secure with yourself. What if you tell yourself to be secure in who you are within, but it is just self-deception? What if the problem pointed out by people around you really reflect on what you need to improve on? If you keep telling yourself that you are intellectual, you are likable, but the fact is people around you dislike you. People around you think that you are dumb? But you ignore what they say, and continue to be your old self? Wouldn't that be self-deceiving?
Then who's comment should you listen??? Maybe open to comments by who you look up to?? But what if the one that you look up to misunderstood you?? How??

Random Quote

2010-04-19T00:51:00.001+08:00

“ Even if there isn’t a second chance or future, what always remains are the happy memories. "

Try something different

2010-04-17T15:21:00.000+08:00

I was thinking, Maybe i should change the way i do my QT...

2010-04-15T01:05:00.004+08:00

Saw it somewhere and I need to push down the video post.. haha

43 things a GIRL wished her BOYFRIEND knew !

#1 When you break her heart, the pain never really goes away.

#2 When she misses you, she's hurting inside.

#3 When she says it's over, she still wants you to be hers.

#4 When she walks away from you mad, follow her.

#5 When she stares at your mouth, kiss her.

#6 When she pushes or hits you, grab her tight & don't let her go.

#7 When she starts cursing at you, kiss her and tell her you love her.

#8 When she ignores you, give her your attention.

#9 When she pulls away, pull her back.

#10 When you see her at her worst, tell her she's beautiful and when a girl says shes ugly then she wants u to say ur beautiful or pretty back'

#11 When you see her crying, just hold her and don't say a word.

#12 When you see her walking, sneak up and hug her waist from behind.

#13 When she's scared, protect her.

#14 When she lays her head on your shoulder, tilt her head up and kiss her.

#15 When she steals your favourite jacket, let her keep it and sleep with it for a night.

#16 When she teases you, tease her back and make her laugh.

#17 When she doesn't answer for a long time, reassure her that everything is okay.

#18 When she looks at you with doubt, back yourself up with the truth.

#19 When she says that she likes you, she really does more than you could understand.

#20 When she grabs your hands, hold hers and play with her fingers.

#21 When she bumps into you, bump into her back and make her laugh.

#22 When she tells you a secret, keep it safe and untold.

#23 When she looks at you in your eyes, don’t look away until she does.

#24 Stay on the phone with her even if she’s not saying anything.

#25 Don't let her have the last word.

#26 Don't call her hot, but gorgeous or beautiful is so much better.

#27 Say you love her more than she could ever love you.

#28 Argue that she is the best girl ever.

#29 When she's mad, hug her tight and don't let go.

#30 When she says she's OK, don’t believe it, talk to
her about it, because 10 yrs later she'll still remember it.

#31 Call her at 12:00am on special occasions to tell her you love her.

#32 Call her before you sleep and after you wake up.

#33 Treat her like she's all that matters to you.

#34 Don't ignore her when she's out with you and your friends.

#35 Stay up all night with her when she's sick.

#36 Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think its stupid.

#37 Let her into your world.

#38 Let her wear your clothes.

#39 When she's bored and sad, hang out with her

#40 Let her know she's important.

#41 Kiss her in the pouring rain.

#42 When she runs up at you crying, the first thing you say is; "Who's ass am I kicking today baby?"

#43 After she reads this, she hopes one day you'd read it too.

2010-04-14T12:05:00.002+08:00

Seems like I have nothing else to write here other than dumping all my negative emotions.
I like keeping the positive with me and throwing away the negative.. (who doesn't anyway)
Well, our mind is really the most powerful creation, most valuable asset. Our minds control and influences our feelings and actions.
Take control of it, steer it to the positive!

2010-04-11T21:18:00.000+08:00

God is good!

2010-04-11T03:07:00.002+08:00

I can't be bothered to argue...
What I express here is only for that moment. After I write it out, I got it out of my mind.
Private then let it be.

2010-04-08T00:46:00.002+08:00

Time is running fast...
I need to stretch my faith...
After more than 10 years... I am reaching the milestone... Funny that I wasn't as excited as 10 years ago...
But I am glad I'm finally reaching there...
I'm longing for you.. where are you, my lover..

2010-03-30T09:50:00.003+08:00

Have I been selfish? Have I been giving myself excuses? Both Yes and No... I'm really happy that we talk things through...
Happy that i hear you laugh now...
Happy with things between us right now..
I really wished that you would stay...
I guess I've really been conservative with my attention to others...
You made me realized that my compassion for has dwindled...
Come to think of it...as a friend to them, I've done my best... I tried to help them...
I still miss you at times... but its changing to missing you as my bestie..

2010-03-26T01:52:00.003+08:00

Have I been deceiving myself? Have I been living in a made believe world??? I feel so dumb that i dun know where to hide my face!!
What are you thinking LESTER SOH!!!
You just Robert!!!
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.. how to hide my embarrassment????
WHY ARE YOU SO STUPID!!!
Have you been telling yourself made believe lies!??!?!
GOSH!!!! I FEEL LIKE PUNCHING MYSELF!!!
Annoyed cos of that?
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HOW to Hide myself now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CHILDISH CHILDISH CHILDISH CHILDISH CHILDISH CHILDISH CHILDISH CHILDISH CHILDISH CHILDISH CHILDISH CHILDISH CHILDISH CHILDISH CHILDISH CHILDISH

2010-03-25T15:25:00.002+08:00

Leave Me from Daros Films on Vimeo.

I wish I can remain in that picture of our happy times, just you and me... But I know i can't. I need to move on... Maybe one day our paths will cross again... If not, let's stay happy...

2010-03-25T13:45:00.002+08:00

I've told you how I feel, but you remained indifferent, you did not tell me how you feel. I don't wish to force you to do what you are unwilling to do. I told you how I felt hoping that you will tell me how you feel too, but you didn't. I take it as you do not feel anything about us. Believe it or not, my love for you is genuine. I wanted to just care for you, all I wanted was some response from you, acknowledgment from you. But you didn't respond. You said that you aren't ready, that's why I didn't press you or ask you, i was happy just being your friend.

Genuine Love..

2010-03-23T15:11:00.003+08:00

为何要勉强哪？为何要求她？你自己要有自尊！为何要把自尊送给不珍惜它的人。给了只是被踩，被侮辱。她说的对，你属于一个珍惜你的人，一个仰慕你的女孩。
I've been so caught up with trying to amuse her, trying to gain her approval that i lost my self-identity. I did not disregard her as a friend because I wanted to be there to help her, to care for her, but I've made the final offer... She is right, not everyone that God places in my life is my friend, and even if i choose to have her as a friend, and she doesn't want, why force her to... I accept that I am just not the one to be her soul mate.

If one day, you ever decide that you want to restore this relationship, I'll be there to accept you again. If you don't want to, I can only wish you the best... Just know that my love is genuine. Right now, I'm going to crush it...

I still believe...

2010-03-23T01:06:00.003+08:00

In every sad,hurtful moment, there is always a lesson to learn... Draw strength from it to arise.
I'm sorry that I cannot give you the answer that you seek... At least for now, I cannot... Maybe one day, when the time is right... I believe...

2010-03-20T01:46:00.002+08:00

I feel that I am lagging behind, half hearted, I know it is just one step ahead and i can reach the checkpoint but I'm afraid, I'm having second thoughts, many what ifs filled my mind... Have I backslided in my heart? Why am I having such thoughts that I shouldn't even be thinking about. I feel tempted, very tempted.
I begin to doubt the visions I see, the things that was placed in my heart.
God assure me, strength my heart, stir up my spirit, cover me with your grace. Let me know that You are with me, Let me know that I can hold on to You...
My heart hurts... Let me draw strength from the hurt to catapult myself ahead!

Letting go... Trust God

2010-03-16T15:41:00.004+08:00

Someone told me that letting go doesn't mean that I am giving up but accepting that there are factors that I have no control over, and cannot force it to behave.
Letting go to me, means that I have decided to let natural factors shape us, allowing God to move, and mold us.

Letting Go...

To let go doesn't mean to stop caring, it means I can't do it for someone else

To let go is not to cut myself off, it is the realization that I can't control another

To let go is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences

To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands

To let go is not to care for, but to care about

To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive

To let go is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being

To let go is not to be in the middle arranging outcomes, but to allow others to affect their own outcomes

To let go is not to be protective, it is to permit another to face reality

To let go is not to nag, scold, or argue, but to search out my own shortcomings and correct them

To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires, but to take each day as it comes and cherish the moment

To let go is not to criticize and regulate anyone, but to try to become what I dream I can be

To let go is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future

TO LET GO IS TO FEAR LESS AND LOVE MORE

I still believe in us... I believe...

2010-03-16T09:50:00.001+08:00

I think I get what she intends to say. I never intended to put her in a difficult situation... i hate myseld for that. Recently the decisions I made was because of us. I felt that it would be better this way, this way she can still remain as a friend. She won't need to worry that I will be affected by her, but is it fair to her? I pray that this is the right thing to do, the best solution for us.
I still want to be part of your life, as a close friend, she has been a great friend n a confider to me. Maybe she doesn't regard me as one, but to me, she is one I will entrust my life to.
forgive me for not telling the full reason. Because if i told you the full reason, i would need to tell you how i feel about you. Please don't drift away from me, please don't ignore me, nor give me a cold shoulder, please dun dislike me, be annoyed with me.

If only...

2010-03-14T02:46:00.003+08:00

I've been truthful to you about everything except 1 thing... something that might change many things...
The reason why I care so much about you is because I find myself developing strong feelings for you every moment. I hesitated to tell you because I was afraid that if I told you, you will draw away from me, so far that I might never see you again. Thus I thought if i didn't tell you, we would remain as good friends bickering and just enjoying each other's company. But everytime you give me a cold shoulder, I could only endure the "winter" and hope that summer would come again when you are warm towards me again. During the winter season, my heart hurts because it weeps but the coldness freezes the tears. I wish I could just harden it, preserve it, numb it. But i just couldn't.
If only things were simpler, if only i were a little bird that you can pour out your sorrows and joy to.
If only...
~a tear to ease the pain...

2010-03-12T00:14:00.002+08:00

My heart sank again... I think it just broke into pieces... Who says guys only shed blood and not tears... I cry too.. in my heart... i shed tears too...
~picking up the broken pieces of my heart. Bit by bit...

2010-03-11T08:29:00.002+08:00

The last 2 days was craps... Not being able to talk to you, not being able to see you... Why did you draw me so close then shut the door at my face again... Or is it I'm just assumed that it was opened. sigh... My heart hurts... I thought I could keep you by my side, but I guess that wouldn't work... You are like a bird that needs its freedom and space to fly, the sky is your limit, and somehow I know you are not going to let anything or anyone be your limit. I see now, maybe too late to see it... but I see now that we are indeed two very opposite people, two people from completely different worlds. Maybe that was what attracted me to you in the first place. Because you are so special, unique, I walked closer and got drawn into your world. I got addicted to staying there, curious to know more... But but I need to get back, hoping to shuttle between the two freely, but when I find that it is not always open, my mood became like the weather; cloudy and rainy. I wished that our worlds can merge and I am ready to abandon my own world just to be in yours, but I don't know if you allow me to... You never speak your mind freely...

I'm in deep trouble... I thought i could sleep it away but when I woke up, it is still there... I miss you... but i dun know if you miss me too... I don't want to assume anymore, just tell me directly... I wanted to tell you how I feel but I'm afraid, afraid that I hid myself. I am afraid you tell me that i assumed too much.

I wanted you to tell me I believe in you, but I know you wouldn't say things that you do not mean.

I'm wounded by my own assumptions... badly wounded... fading away... where is the light? the hand to pull me up?

Just a phone call will lighten me up...

God is good!!!

2010-03-07T02:19:00.003+08:00

At the start of the year, I made a radical decision to not get attached for the first 6 months of 2010 despite the strong desire to, and despite the strong feeling that I will get attached this year...
By making that decision, I'm putting my trust in God, for Him to work miracles... and still believe that God will make things work out for me... My miracles are slowly unfolding...
I come to realize that every time I hear and I obey and make those radical decisions, God always never fail to make things work out for me.
Today i made another radical decision, to empty my bank account to the A&B... Gosh, i just checked, its more than i expected!!! But I believe... ouch, i feel it already...
I pray that you will love to doll yourself up more than me, I pray that you will have a healthier self-esteem.. I pray that you will believe and see yourself and a gorgeous girl...
-Pray pray pray!!

I had the opportunity, I felt you were waiting for me to say it... but I didn't cos I felt it wasn't time yet, dun know why... Maybe I want to bottle it up and give it to you all at once, to make it a moment that you cannot forget...

I like it...

2010-02-26T09:11:00.006+08:00

Why is it that i feel restricted when i blog here?!?!
~ I feel lost, yet contented with now.
Rawhs... This is my world and i can say what i want, say what i feel like saying... whatever is said here shall remain here..
~ I like it when you tell me about your day
maybe it is just me.
~ I like it when you laugh at the silly things I say.
觉得烦。为什么要在意他人怎么想呢？
~ I like it when you say things in a whiny manner.
咳咳咳。
可能你觉得我 - 我忘了要说什么了。
Does absence make the heart grow fonder?
~But I dislike it when you suddenly shut me out.
Things are able to change.
Maybe I will not get to see her that often.
~As you grow older, time is more valuable, and I'm offering this which is valuable to you.

Will you change for the one you love?

2010-02-24T23:36:00.002+08:00

Will you change for the one you love?
Maybe it is a selfish request, but what if it is to change towards a better you.
They say that dressing well is the expression of one's soul; looking at your best shows your self-esteem. Taking good care of your body; from top to bottom; glorifies not only God, but also yourself and your partner.
I am a firm believer of this.
I would love to always see you at your best; making sure you look your best...
I would love to see you always happy, always cheerful, i don't want to see you sad, negative, depressed!!

Would i change for the one i love?
I will, if it is for the better, i will...

2010-02-24T00:18:00.002+08:00

Am philophobia?
After always meeting the wrong girls, and facing failure, I think i develop this phobia.
I wondered if she is my soulmate, although I want to be hers.
Why am I thinking of all the negative outcomes??!!?! So many what ifs...
Blah blah blah...
That's it!
How will we know if we don't give it a try?
Everyday, the pressure builds up, wanting to burst out to tell you how much I love you, but its not time... I still need to honor my word to God. 4 more months/ 226 Days...
Time to sleep... IMH

2010-02-18T10:50:00.002+08:00

Its off season now... I quit the hunting game for good... I will be the prey and sitting predator to know the right prey... One attempt, one kill...
God is a creative writer and I trust that He will write me a wonderful, fairytale love story.
~
I'm supposed to finish my assignment...

the journey.

2010-02-17T08:48:00.003+08:00

Seal it up, lock it and sent it on a journey, and wait for it to come back when the time is right.
Its so difficult to have a restriction of speech, when the consequences seemed higher than speaking freely.
I sent it on a journey, so that I dun need to feel so 心苦every day. I wake up every morning thinking that I should let go, by night I am missing you again. Its a repeated cycle, and there is only two way of breaking it. Crushing it totally is one, giving it a chance to strive is another.
Will it survive the journey? I wonder...

2010-02-15T03:27:00.001+08:00

I ask and I asked...
Why am I wavering?
Why can't I let go?
Anyway I am happy to just hear her speak.

I QUIT!

2010-02-10T11:21:00.002+08:00

I really quit!! Blame it on me...
Sigh, sigh, sigh...
大嘴巴!为什么多嘴。
Argh argh argh...
少关心不是更好吗？
嗄嗄嗄
!@#$%^&*

Magic potion

2010-02-07T13:30:00.003+08:00

I think I have funny principles... and because of that, I consider about a lot of factors. Its not that I don't want to give up or being double-minded, but I am just afraid that if I let go now, only to realize that I have broken your heart, it hurts me too.

I know I am supposed to accept you for who you are, but letting you remain the same, isn't helping you become a better person, and will create issues in the future. Loving you has broken many boundaries that I've placed, but this emotion is strong...

I wish you would give me a reason to hold on. Tell me what's on your mind. I wish i can escape for this half of the year and return in the second and know that you are awaiting my return.

华人有梦婆汤，印度有magical indian potion。但能把记忆洗掉，却不能把留在心得迹擦掉。

-time to ride my essay.

2010-01-29T13:14:00.002+08:00

My heart… It feels like my chest can barely contain it. Like it’s trying to escape because it doesn’t belong to me any more. It belongs to you. And if you wanted it, I’d wish for nothing in exchange - no gifts. No goods. No demonstrations of devotion. Nothing but knowing you loved me too. Just your heart, in exchange for mine. — from the movie ‘Stardust’

2010-01-24T01:53:00.002+08:00

나는 결정했다… 나는 그녀의 가 시켜, 시킨 간다… 나는 신에게 민감했던에 첫번째 5 달 결정했다 2010년의… 나는 가고 있지 않다 6월 끝나는 첫번째 5 달에서 붙여 얻고 고려하거나 만든다 계획이…

고통스러운 선택이다 그러나 이다 믿음의 희생…
I will still continue to love you, to show you that love can be unconditional... It will not be romantic love anymore...

2010-01-23T00:27:00.003+08:00

I need conviction from above...
Promise myself that I will stop feeding "it", I will deprive it, starve it...

2010-01-22T00:23:00.002+08:00

Tell me that you are thinking of me too...
Tell me that you miss me too...
Why can't you just tell me that...
I don't read minds...
Let me be dumb so that you would tell me that you miss me...

2010-01-19T02:01:00.001+08:00

Can't sleep...
Tomorrow's going to be a more fruitful day!!
I'm going to be more productive in my revision...
Going to recover from that Flu and cough...
Tomorrow's going to be a happy day...

2010-01-18T17:17:00.002+08:00

"LORD, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance" (Ps 16:5-6)
Each of us is given a purpose by God, long before we are born. Therefore, there shouldn't be any competition or jealousy regarding who is better. But help those who are falling behind, not step on them to advance...
Life is to be a lived vertically before the Lord, not horizontally. When we worry about the activities of others, we acknowledge our lack of faith in the One who called us.

2010-01-17T03:20:00.003+08:00

“为什么那么傻，明知会令你更悲哀，却继续握住。”
树让叶随着风飘，树上还有许多叶，但却不舍得让叶走，还是希望叶能飘回树的旁边，成为另一个树。
Sacrificing always pains... but obedience is still more rewarding...

2010-01-16T01:17:00.006+08:00

病了五天了！
Faith, Hope and Love... The greatest is love...
即使你有多么的能干,多么的出色，没有爱，你什么都不是。
当风把叶吹走，树只能看着它飞，多么不舍得让它离开，也没办法。

2010-01-12T12:01:00.003+08:00

即使我想要,也不关你的事。
你觉得我切望，关我什么事，你高兴就好。

2010-01-11T12:31:00.001+08:00

This is going to be a season of faith...
Dun ask why, cos its a rhema and just felt so...

2010-01-09T00:11:00.002+08:00

New year resolutions, new year goals, visions for the new year.
I think one thing I shall acknowledge... I want to get attached!!!
but I am NOT desperate!!!
Another desire is that i can bring up my GPA to at least 2.0.

Even before the start of school I feel like I'm rushing to complete my projects and prepare for exams and today is only the 2nd day of school and i am exhausted!!!

2009-12-31T02:26:00.004+08:00

Found this on my fren's blog...

Girls dun realize...

Guys are more emotional than you think, if they loved you at one point, it'll take them a lot longer than you think to let you go, and it hurts every second that they try.

Guys may be flirting around all day, but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about.

Guys go crazy over a girl's smile.

Guys will do anything just to get you to notice him.

Guys hate it when you talk about your ex-boyfriend or ex love-interest. Unless they're going for the let-her-complain-to-you-and-then-have-her-realize-how-wonderful-and-nice-you-are method.

A guy who likes you wants to be the only guy you talk to.

Boyfriends need to be reassured often that they're still loved.

Guys don't care how gorgeous you are, if you're a bitch Goodbye.

Giving a guy a hanging message like 'You know what?!..uh...nevermind..' would make him jump to a conclusion that is far from what you are thinking. And he'll assume he did something wrong and he'll obsess about it trying to figure it out.

Girls are guys' weaknesses.

Guys are very open about themselves.

If a guy tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to listen to him. You don't need to give advice.

A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases you.

Guys love you more than you love them.

Guys use words like hot or cute to describe girls. They rarely use beautiful or gorgeous. If a guy uses that, he loves you or likes you a whole hell of a lot.

No matter how much guys talk about butts and boobs, personality is key.

Guys worry about the thin line between being compassionate and being whipped.

Guys think WAY too much. One small thing a girl does, even if she doesn't notice it can make the guy think about it for hours, trying to figure out what it meant.

If the guy does something stupid in front of the girl, he will think about it for the next couple days or until the next time he spends time with the girl.

If a guy looks unusually calm and laid back, he's probably faking it and is spazzing inside.

When a guy says he is going crazy about the girl, he really is. Guys rarely say that.

When a guy asks you to leave him alone, he's just actually saying, 'Please come and listen to me.'

If a guy starts to talk seriously, listen to him. It doesn't happen that often, so when it does, you know something's up.

When a guy tells you that you are beautiful, don't say you aren't. It makes them want to stop telling you because they don't want you to disagree with them.

When a guy looks at you for longer than a second, he's definitely thinking something.

A guy has more problems than you can see with your naked eyes.

Don't be a snob. Guys can be intimidated and give up easily.

Guys talk about girls more than girls talk about guys.

Guys really think that girls are strange and have unpredictable decisions and are MAD confusing but somehow are drawn even more to them.

A guy would give his right nut to be able to read a girl's mind for a day.

No guy can handle all his problems on his own. He's just too stubborn to admit it.

Not all guys are jerks. Just because ONE is a jackass doesn't mean he represents ALL of them.

They love it when girls talk about their boobs. haha it's true..

When a guy hits your butt it means that he wants you sexually

Even if they refuse it all guys are ticklish on the ribs.

Guys love neck rubs and if he lets you keep doing it ..it means that he really likes you or his neck really hurts.

When a guy sacrifices his sleep and health just to be with you, he really likes you and wants to be with you as much as possible.

Even if you dump a guy months ago and he loved you he probably still does and if he had one wish it would be you to come back into his life.

2009-12-30T01:43:00.002+08:00

I'm confused... really confused, my heart is confuse, my mind is also very confused...
What is my motivation?
我现在真的不知道了，真的不知道了。
我不再管了，我希望能做的到，我要做自己，敢爱敢恨，想对你好就去做！
谁管别人怎么想，怎么说。
该是时候回去依靠耶稣了。
我已快崩溃了。

2009-12-23T01:20:00.002+08:00

Lazed the whole day, but enjoyed it...
Not very productive but i guess its okay just to laze around and not do anything once in a while.
突然觉得一只想着一样,写着一样的议题,久了也腻了。
觉定暂时不想去思索。
累了。
Tomorrow's going to be a good day!

2009-12-22T12:30:00.002+08:00

He is like a small child refusing to let go of something that he really likes a lot...
But how long will this child hold on to it?
He is one stubborn child, or maybe he has found something precious...
As 2009 comes to a close, I began to evaluate my goals for 2010.
In the coming year, I want to grow more in wisdom, and the drive for achievement.

2009-12-20T15:46:00.000+08:00

Avatar is good.. Probably the best show this year. Totally love it..

2009-12-20T09:22:00.006+08:00

Does eternity have a time limit?
How can eternity be measured?
Well... there is simply no measure for eternity, it is never ending...
He wished that he can just say that he am willing spend eternity waiting for her answer,
It may seem to be unconvincing words, foolish... but
It is all about being foolish for her, so that she would smile.
let's say indefinitely... It seemed to be a more convincing word.

He has left the key to that safe box at her doorstep,
He foolishly left it there but did not wait to see her retrieve the key,
so that he can continue hoping.
He walked and walked, saying in his heart, "I am willing to wait indefinitely for her to use the key."
His brain asked why?
And he said: "because to me she is flawless, and my imperfect heart will love her to the best of my abilities."

2009-12-18T02:16:00.007+08:00

Urgh...
他到底在做什么！！！！！
当她让他进入她的世界时，他却犯了不应该犯的错误。
他知道信任对她来说是非常重要的。
现在他只能希望，不！是恳求她给他多一个机会。
He admits that he is in no position to ask for a second chance, only wish and hope...

I thought, I wish, I want to...

2009-12-16T13:45:00.003+08:00

I thought that its over, but I just realized that it was just a moment of suppression.
After the suppression, it seems to have gotten stronger.
I wish that I can put it away, chuck it into a safe box, lock it up and give you the key, and tell you, "Open it when you feel that you are ready."
How I wish it is possible, but it seems that it is not.

How I wish I can put a lease on it, forcing it to advance at my pace, but it just overwhelms me. I wish I was stronger or I wished it was not so strong.

I want to enter into your world, but I am just afraid you wouldn't let me in.
I am just afraid that if I let myself in, I would be banished forever.
Thus I can only wait until you let me in.
In the meanwhile, I can only watch through the windows.

2009-12-13T03:57:00.002+08:00

终于了解了。讲出心中的话后总是比较开朗。

2009-12-12T01:55:00.005+08:00

情痴还是痴情。。。
虽然我依依不舍，但我还是必须慢下脚步，让情感稳定下。
最近脑里很乱很乱，非常乱。。。
因为情绪超不稳定，影响我判断力。。。
情痴只看到一个人的优点却不会注意某人得缺点。
爱看的是某人的犹点及缺点但选择容纳及接受某人的缺点。。。
我真希望我能跟以前一样像好友的跟她沟通。。。

自信跑去哪了！

为什么我要不自在！

2009-12-08T08:45:00.003+08:00

有句话说勉强是没有幸福的。
这句话又多真呢？
一个男的希望能用诚意来赢得个女孩的心,
女孩却不领情。
这是在勉强爱吗?
为什么寻找真爱是那么困难呢?
话又说回来如果真爱是那么容易找以得到, 那么那不可能叫做真爱。
那真爱是每个人等久了自然会有的还是需要去争取的呢？

2009-12-07T12:01:00.003+08:00

昨天去了K。
开心！
今天要写文章！没灵感!