pulchritudinous
Time stopped when I met you.
About Me
Hi. I'm Lester. I was named by my parents after a singer/actor, Mark Lester. I was supposed to be named mark but my mum's friend decided to name her son that.
break the ice
tagboard
Tagboard here.
Sunday, July 6, 2008 @ 10:07 PM
I took cg on Friday again. I had expectations on how I want to meeting to be. But I ended the meeting feeling disappointed...
I expected the presence of God to be so tangible when we worship... but the Presence was there but it wasn't as dynamic as I expect it to be.
I preached expecting people to be inspired, but I didn't preach as well as i expected.
When I ministered to those who responded, i expected an impartation to fall upon them, although I could see that they were touched, but the impartation did not fall upon them.
I felt like I've just returned from a defeated battle. Thought about whether I am good enough to be a cgl began to arise. That night I just shared with xueying and went to sleep, thinking that this disappointment will disappear on its own.
The next morning i woke up, the feeling of disappointment was still there. I decided to do my quiet time in the morning. At first I tried to worship with the guitar, but somehow i just got even more discouraged. I just felt the Holy Spirit saying that i should put down my guitar, turn on a song, and just worship. The presence of God came, I practiced what we learnt in SOT last week, I prayed for myself to release all the disappointments, grief, discouragements. I laid hand on myself and after that i just laid on the chair enjoying the presence. I feel released. God gave me a word, He said
"Worship to Me, is not about singing the perfect tune, but worship is from your heart, when you preach it is not about how well you speak, but you speak through your spirit. So what if you cannot sing well, speak eloquently. But let your walk with Me, your sensitivity to the moving of the Holy Spirit be your strength. "
I'm really encouraged by these words. I am reminded that serving God is not about our own talents and abilities but trusting Him to lead.
Then this weekend service with Pastor Mike, he shared about dealing with disappointments. One point I remember the most is,
"When you have your own expectation on what God should do, you will be disappointed."
I expected the presence of God to be so tangible when we worship... but the Presence was there but it wasn't as dynamic as I expect it to be.
I preached expecting people to be inspired, but I didn't preach as well as i expected.
When I ministered to those who responded, i expected an impartation to fall upon them, although I could see that they were touched, but the impartation did not fall upon them.
I felt like I've just returned from a defeated battle. Thought about whether I am good enough to be a cgl began to arise. That night I just shared with xueying and went to sleep, thinking that this disappointment will disappear on its own.
The next morning i woke up, the feeling of disappointment was still there. I decided to do my quiet time in the morning. At first I tried to worship with the guitar, but somehow i just got even more discouraged. I just felt the Holy Spirit saying that i should put down my guitar, turn on a song, and just worship. The presence of God came, I practiced what we learnt in SOT last week, I prayed for myself to release all the disappointments, grief, discouragements. I laid hand on myself and after that i just laid on the chair enjoying the presence. I feel released. God gave me a word, He said
"Worship to Me, is not about singing the perfect tune, but worship is from your heart, when you preach it is not about how well you speak, but you speak through your spirit. So what if you cannot sing well, speak eloquently. But let your walk with Me, your sensitivity to the moving of the Holy Spirit be your strength. "
I'm really encouraged by these words. I am reminded that serving God is not about our own talents and abilities but trusting Him to lead.
Then this weekend service with Pastor Mike, he shared about dealing with disappointments. One point I remember the most is,
"When you have your own expectation on what God should do, you will be disappointed."